10 years ago, the world was a better place. And I say that because everyone calls me Captain Obvious at the Rantages HQ. But I am not the Captain. TehGoatLord is.

Back then there was no 01199পু ক রু, no internet, hence no porn sites, hence no porn. Which means there were no traffic jams, because rickshaw pullers did not buy cars back then. Having a cell phone meant that you were a rich corporate bastard with a lot of cash, and knowing how to use one made you a really smart man.
And if you owned a GameBoy, you were instantly considered as Poseidon’s own pleasure Dolphin.

I could take 10 bucks and travel the entire city of Dhaka on a rickshaw. Mainly because everything was so damn cheap back then[Citation needed: The editor thinks that the author of this post is under hallucinogenic drugs]. Apart from that, all the VIP roads allowed rickshaws to pass because there were no VIPs back then. Or I could buy a packet of Meridian chips and collect the tazo that was inside it [I had collected 1278 tazos in total. {The Editor still refuses to cut these portions out simply because of the writer's audacity}]] This might seem boring nowadays, but back then, I didn’t have a computer on which I could play FIFA ‘11, battlefield 3 or NFS Shift. So there wasn’t much to do to pass the time. Instead we played games like Road Rash, Raptor and Sega’s 500 games.
And those of us who were sexually deprived played Virtua Cop in vain hope that they would get to be the female cop.

SO HOT

Also just for the lulz, there was no Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black, but there was Steve Jobs and Michael Jackson. Because Steve Jobs can totally sing better than Bieber.

Top 3 changes in our lives in the last 10 years:

Internet- World Wide Web:

I say this again and again – The internet was a blessing to all of mankind. It made the world a better place and made my life better. Internet has everything. You can find everything on the internet, starting from information about your country to finding mates for sexual intercourse. Oh and, there’s porn. I feel very proud to say that people, who used to be our age now, never got to watch porn and masturbate. Not that masturbating is a very good thing. It makes you blind and rather attracted to the whole idea of sitting in front of a computer.

The source of all the facts found in Rantages.

But I guess the biggest change was brought about by Facebook – Having a name like ŔŎckŠtar ΐblїs LaiЋö, updating the world about your bodna’s lactose intolerance and of course changing your relationship status every week. Then there’s uploading pictures of yourself, while posing in front of the bathroom while forgetting to flush the toilet(Ladies, you are guilty of that).

Shisha lounges:

I think shisha lounges have been open for about 3-4 years now. And they’ve made a lot of fast food stores go out of business since anorexic emo kids found something that has the lowest food value.

Hint: She's not blowing out smoke. She's practising how to blow.

It is also a trend for everyone to spend their evenings in a lounge, smoke shisha and talk about their feelings. Feelings as in “Mummah, ajke emon ek maiyya dekhlam. Xotilllzz amar emon pinique uthlo oita deikha je ami shathe shathe 5ta pill handailam” [মাম্মা, আজকে এমন মাইয়্যা দেখলাম, জটিলজ আমার এমন পিনিক উঠলো ওইটা দেইখা যে আমি সাথে সাথে ৫টা পিল হান্দাইলাম]
Google Translate: [Mamma, I saw a maiyya, jatilaja I pinika uthalo oita deikha that Iwent with the bishop, with 5 handailama]

From what I remember, I was in the 8th grade and some of my friends tried out this new lounge which was beside Lalmatia(Lounge Twenty-Eleven). And when they came to school the next day, all they could talk about was their extraordinary adventure. I quote one of my friends, “Dude, it was the best day of my life! I got so fuckin’ high I couldn’t even walk to my car.”

Since pictures related to drugs are banned in Rantages, we present you a picture of a bear saying Hi.

So the next day I went out with them and had the worst day of my life. In a compartment which was not any bigger than a urinal 12 guys cramped themselves somehow, and had also left a reasonable space(a fat guy’s lap) for me to sit in. It seemed rude to not sit in the space they worked so hard to make, so I sat and forever changed my sexual orientation. Anyway, after the shisha came, there was no place to keep it, so I volunteered gratefully to stand since I could feel the fat guy’s pants getting tighter. And the shisha wasn’t so good. But my friends were smoking shisha. I assume because it lets them suck something phallic shaped without raising questions about their sexuality.

After a month or two, most of the friends from that circle turned into smokers, and teased anyone by calling them “Soklet Pola” if they didn’t smoke shisha regularly. And that’s how the world is nowadays. Either it’s the couples that make out shamelessly in front of lots of people or some homosexual guys who like to show off, by taking pictures and uploading them on Facebook. And some people won’t talk to you if you don’t go to lounges.

10 years ago, the world had better people and no Ke$ha.

The writer is now selling crushed Paracetamol and calling it “Coke Plus” to children in a school somewhere in Dhanmondi