Rantage 58 : Photographage by
A collaboration of TehAlbinoBlackSheep and TheDogFather
Everybody’s a photographer these days. It wasn’t so long ago, when only people with enormous, ambitious dreams of becoming a professional photographer, would spend all their life savings just to purchase the highest quality digital camera being sold on the market. When I was younger, the only places I’d see photos of high quality were either in a photo studio or professional photographers who work commercially for various business organizations *cough* pervertswitheveryintentoffuckingtheirmodelsateveryshot *cough*.
But, now? I see quite the number of pretentious cunts with shitloads of money, waiting to spend them on a bunch of luxuries and other shit they don’t really need. It seems like over the past decade or so, the cost of making one DSLR camera fell, causing the prices to somewhat fall. Now, practically anyone can buy one out of whatever source of income they seem to have. By the end of the day, you’ll see people showing them off and uploading pictures on FaceBook of all the stuff their parents/cousins/siblings/uncles and aunts got for them, specifically from overseas. Why are they uploading pictures of a camera on social networking sites? To make YOU, yes you, feel bad about yourself. It’s their way of showing the finger to you. The monotony of FaceBbook drives me insane, but that’s a whole different story.
Before I set off my sarcasm on those particular “pHoTogRaPhErZ”, I would ask you to take some time off and think – when did you last discover a decent photography page on Facebook? I mean one that did not include pictures of girls wearing the shortest shorts, almost topless and doing awesome poses like “Did I shave my armpit alright ?” or “That’s how I look, when I give a blowjob”; or even “See my shorts are shorter than yours bitch !” And so on.
Most of the pages we get to see these days are aWshUm ones as explained above and is named like “aBcD’z pHotogRapHY” and plenty more. Apparently, those photographers have one specific conception about photography – If you are a girl, you have to wear less clothes or nothing if possible and act like an infamous slut who gets paid by getting laid. And if you are a guy, you have to be mAchO and about the expression, you just have to act like a lousy, drunk man-whore and a total douche, who would go for shopping right after the photo session to buy some more fancy tee-shirts. As for example, “Cover Me Up With Chocolates And Throw Me In To Lesbians” written right on the front side of the shirt.
There are lots and lots of photographers. But there’s one exclusive faggot whom we all know. All the albums of his page are horrible, more horrible than an accidental wet dream about your Maths teacher back in your school days.
Now you are probably dying to know who I’m talking about. Since the guy is a “Genzamist”, and the points highlighted on Genzamfail don’t exactly seem pleasant, I shall not reveal his name here on the article, or he might beat me up, shove his DSLR up my ass and give me ninja blowjob when I’m out of my senses by getting beaten up (Yes, they are gay people).
Apart from that, I’m pretty sure he’ll be butthurt enough to charge a lawsuit against this website, and it barely started out. You see, recently, we’re already facing a problem against one of our readers who wanted to sue us for writing stuff that isn’t even serious in the first place. But, more on that in a different Rantage.
But too bad, even I’m dying to mention his name here. We can only do thing – let’s name him by something that is very close to his name and his deeds. Erm…
“mUvZ dOnE” Trust me that is so close, I’m already afraid.
So, basically, what happens when your company sells cameras of the highest quality to the general public? You end up with a guy like this:
I’m quite certain that a number of you already know who we’re talking about here. Yes. HIM. So anyway, “mUvZ dOnE” is the end product of when an ordinary guy, who has absolutely no knowledge of taking a decent picture, let alone the basic concepts of photography, somehow manages the money, picks up a Canon DSLR and ends up becoming an inbred of a rejected photographer, who never got the chance to be famous in the long-run. Instead, he ends up appealing to a number of idiots who can neither edit, nor take a decent picture and make the most *rational* decision of allowing some random guy to take a bunch of pictures and then upload them in his notorious fan page, that is filled with hundreds and thousands of over-edited and horrendous photos.
Now, you’re probably wondering, why do we, the Rantages staff loathe him so much? Well for one, he couldn’t even take a proper picture to save his life. Apart from that, he is COMPLETELY oblivious to the first reason, causing him to make a massive number of albums that are bombarded with plague-ridden photos of half-naked women, normal pictures with all its elements of beauty extracted from it, and pictures of himself that are utterly self-absorbed.
This individual isn’t the only reason why we’ve ended up with a rantage related to photography. It’s pretty much all your fault. Yes, you. But thanks to you, the writers here at Rantages have a place where they can vent about whatever the hell they want and get paid in internet monniez.
But on a serious note, apart from this mistake that TheDogFather refers to as “mUvZ dOnE”, we have others. There are also many other disastrous photographers who may not own a DSLR but a digital camera. And they do their best to make the worst output as far as possible. For instance – An Emo Kid posing like a girl, showing the wounded area that was caused by himself due to a break up or maybe because of a little argument with his mother, father, brother, sister, friend, driver, servant, peon and what not. Apparently, another photographyfail that was pretty famous among FaceBook kids was a picture of Basin Roughman (real name will not be disclosed) injecting some cheap energy drink into his arm.
Some may be inspired by “mUvZ dOnE” to make their own fan page filled with dreadful examples of photography, while others think that if they get a decent camera, they could take shitty photos of nature and whatnot and post them on FaceBook with “Photography” as the name of the album.
It’s pathetic, if you ask me. There are a number of moronic kids out there who end up becoming self-proclaimed “photographers” just because they invested on a DSLR camera, and yet, you’ll see them taking myspace photos of themselves.
And these idiots have “photography” as an interest on Facebook. NEWSFLASH: That’s camwhoring, not photography. Get it right.
I will admit that there are people out there who have the potential in becoming photographers in the future, but hey, at least they’re taking it seriously, whereas you on the other hand, are exploiting the whole concept of photography by taking only pictures of yourself and food, most likely.
So, what is the result of taking incompetent photos which lack photographic elements and yet you still believe that you’re a photographer and are going to be famous in the long-run? You’ll probably end up like this
May the force be with you.